


March/April 2017 Tumblr Drabbles

by Nutriyum_Addict



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Awkward Boners, Board Games, Drinking & Talking, Drunkenness, F/M, Hair Dyeing, Parent-Child Relationship, Sex Talk, Sexual Tension, Sneaking Around, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 06:12:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutriyum_Addict/pseuds/Nutriyum_Addict
Summary: Written for the request to see a companion piece (to I Swear You Guys Should Just Fuck) between Ben and Andy. Also, this was super, super fun to write even if it's ridiculous! :D





	1. Don’t look at my fucking boner when we fight

Their game of _Risk_ had started as a way to relax after a hectic day going over Leslie’s city council campaign talking points, her interview with Perd Hapley, and delegating some website edits to a handful of trusted volunteers.

Dinner was a planning meeting with her campaign staff–specifically pizza with Ann, April, Donna, Jerry, Ron, Tom, and Andy. At the end of the day, she and Ben had walked into her bedroom, taken their respective pants off to get comfy, and spread the board game out on top of her bed.

And it had been relaxing, until Leslie invaded Ben’s last country in Southeast Asia.

“You can’t–”

“But I just did,” she responded, cutting her boyfriend off (he was only her campaign manager until his pants were removed) and giving him a smug look. “You weren’t paying attention and I bested you.”

“But you…why would you try to attack China when New Guinea is right there completely unprotected?”

“Ha!” She had him.

“Ha?” Ben clearly did not understand how she had him.

“Yes, ha!, Wyatt. I conquered your lands fair and square. It was a super risky strategy but I prevailed with that dice roll. _Risky_. Get it? And you lost,” she paused. “Well, you still have Greenland and the Northwest Territory, and your precious New Guinea. For now.”

Ben glared at her. He actually glared. It was kind of hot, him making his annoyed expression while only wearing a loosened tie, plaid shirt, his boxer-briefs, and a pair of dark socks.

 _Mmmmmm_. Dark socks.

“Well, we’ll just see if you can manage to invade those, Knope. Because I have a plan.”

She raised her eyebrow at him. “A better plan than trying to lure me to New Guinea when China was clearly the better move?”

When he nodded, Leslie realized how tired he looked. Probably because it was one in the morning and they had been up since six. Of course, that’s not all she noticed.

“Yes. A very good plan to wipe the floor with you and your armies,” Ben continued, just like he wasn’t sitting there being all distracting.

"Does your very good plan involve using _that_?” Leslie let her eyes drop down to Ben’s lap, where his blue boxer-briefs were getting all tight in the front.

Ben blushed a little which was super adorable. “Hey. Um, no fair. Don’t look there when we’re in the middle of official gameplay.”

She giggled and that quickly turned into full-on cackling, all while Ben just watched her and made an exasperated face.

Okay, fine, maybe she was a little tired too since normally Ben getting hard didn’t tend to strike her as especially laugh-out-loud comical. But right now? It was very, very amusing. “You mean at your Risk-boner? Don’t look at _that_?”

“Alright. Come on, you are sitting there in your underwear and with your legs crossed like that, and I can see your polka dots.” Ben kind of pointed and trailed off. “Plus, you’re getting all wound-up and indignant about being challenged, and you know I think that’s all sexy.”

She gave him a flirty grin and checked out the goods again. Okay, fine, she kind of leered but in a nice, appreciative way. It was a very awesome penis, even when it was still inside his underwear.

Ben’s tone was much more playful than heated when he said, “Don’t look at my fucking boner when we fight.”

“We’re fighting?”

He rolled his eyes but also managed to give her a sleepy grin. “Well…we’re in the middle of diplomatic talks on how you attacked China without any kind of provocation.”

Like she needed provocation. She was trying to win! Leslie gave him another little smirk and undid three buttons on her blouse to reveal the sexy black bra underneath. Check and mate.

Ben definitely noticed. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Just getting comfy for diplomacy. If you get to have an erection, I can get the girls out.”

He snorted. “Do you think I’m going to see boobs and forget how to strategize?”

Yes. That’s exactly what she thought. “They are very nice boobs,” Leslie responded, pushing her arms inward a little so even more cleavage spilled out the top.

Ben groaned and continued to stare at her chest. “They’re super nice boobs. Especially when you push them together like that.”

“Yep.”

His eyes went from her to back down to the game board. Then back to her breasts. Then down lower.

“Take your panties off.”

“But, Commander Wyatt!” Her fake outrage at his request was clearly just a ruse, since Leslie enthusiastically tugged the polka dot cotton down her hips and all the way off her legs. She tossed them at his head and watched as the material hit him in the nose and then tumbled down to land on his growing hard-on.

Ben pushed her underwear away and sloppily crawled over the game board on his knees, until he could stretch forward and give her a kiss.

“I propose we postpone the rest of this game until tomorrow night.”

“But what about your boner-strategy, babe?”

He pressed against her hip. “Yeah. I think I’m just about to show you that.”


	2. Ben and Sonia, 2028

Ben knocks and then pauses for an affirmative answer, telling himself that surely they can’t be at that point yet, right? The point where his thirteen-year-old daughter doesn’t want to talk to him or invite him into her room.

Thankfully, she responds and when he steps inside, Sonia is on her bed reading a book. Except the book is upside down, so Ben thinks it’s more of a staging for his benefit.

“Hi.”

She looks at him, all blue eyes and bright blue hair, but she doesn’t say hi back. Instead, she tells him stubbornly that, “it’s my hair.”

“It is,” Ben agrees, nodding. ”It’s your blue hair.”

“I like blue.”

“It’s very blue,” he adds, as he sits next to his daughter on her bed.

It’s kind of turquoise, really, but definitely not blonde anymore and from what Sonia had shared with them when she got home for dinner, it was permanent and not temporary dye.

Yep, his barely-teen daughter had dyed her hair at a friend’s house and then came home like nothing was at all different. Ben isn’t quite sure what reaction Sonia was expecting, but she had to know that there’d be one.

“Dad, I don’t understand what the big–”

“Your aunt Stephanie dyed her hair white when she was sixteen and then colored the ends black.”

Sonia finally puts the book down. “She did? Cool.”

Ben smiles at the memory. “She did. Grandma was not amused.”

His daughter snorts in agreement. “What about grandpa?”

“Well, they were divorced by then but when he saw her that weekend…” Ben trails off. When his dad saw his sister that weekend, he’d starting yelling at his mom and at Stephanie and there was a big fight and everyone ended up miserable. “He wasn’t really amused either.”

A month later, Ben had gotten impeached, so the hair thing kind of blew over.

“I bet.” His daughter cracks the smallest of smiles.

“I’ll see if I can find a picture. She also used to wear black lipstick and smoke clove cigarettes…okay, forget I mentioned any of that.”

Sonia laughs briefly but then the stubborn expression falls back into place and sometimes she’s so like Leslie, that Ben can hardly believe it.

“It is my hair, dad! I should be able to do what I want to it. It’s mine! Part of my body and you both are always saying that I’m the only one in control of my body! So, how can my hair not be included in that, huh? Got you there.” She pauses to take a big gulp of air at the end and Ben has to fight back a smile.

“That’s a valid point. But–”

“Mom is mad. She grounded me.”

“Mom is… _surprised_.” Just like him, sometimes the first words out of Leslie’s mouth are _you’re grounded_ , which, with teen triplets has definitely become their go-to phrase around the house. But really, they do have great kids–-funny, smart, kind. And independent.

“Mom probably never dyed her hair blue,” Sonia complains with a roll of her eyes.

Ben shrugs. “Probably not. But also, grandma was not Governor of Indiana when your mom theoretically did not dye her hair blue.”

His daughter is quiet for a second, like she’s finally considering all of the fall-out from her new hair style. Honestly, Ben doesn’t feel like it’s a huge deal but he also understands that it isn’t something that Leslie is likely to accept right away. She’ll get riled up and reactionary but then she’ll probably cool down.

“But I’m not really grounded, am I?”

“We’ll see. I bet if you just talk to her about why you wanted blue hair, mom would understand.” He watches Sonia make a face. “Come on. We’re going to watch a movie. We can talk about it afterwards.”

The boys are out with their friends, so it’s just the three of them. He knows Leslie will probably invite their security detail in to watch the movie too, but he’s also guessing they’ll decline.

“What movie?” Sonia hasn’t moved yet, but she hasn’t picked the book back up either.

“ _A Christmas Story_.”

“Dad. It’s March.”

He nods and smiles and soon Sonia is smiling too. He tugs on her sleeve. “Come on. I made popcorn.”


	3. I swear, you guys should just fuck.

“I swear, you guys should just fuck.”

“Ann!” Leslie’s head shot up from where it was resting against the back of Ann’s couch, both in shock and intense interest at her best friend’s wise words.

Yep. She and Ben should definitely just fuck.

But no. They couldn’t.

Leslie moaned. “Oh, Ann, you beautiful and inappropriate sex-butterfly, you are…so, so right. We should. Me and Ben. Fuck. We should definitely do that. And also eat waffles in bed together and play naked _Connect Four_. Oh, and maybe pretend to be a sexy Martin and Hannah Van Buren on a diplomatic mission to Paris.”

“Um,” Ann was making a face. “Yeah. Okay. That too. But–”

“But Ann! I could lose my job! I love my job. It’s who I am. Excuse me, who are you? Well,” Leslie responded to her own question. “I’m the Deputy Director of the Parks Department for the best city in Indiana!”

“True. But, Leslie–”

“But have you seen his butt? It’s perfect and he wears those tight little pants and he has big warm hands and great hair and he’s not at all terrible, face-wise.”

Ann just smiled. “He does seem really into you.”

“He does. And I’m really into him too. Oh god, I’m never going to make it through this trip to Indy without jumping him. Why did Chris have to do this? Send us on a sexy out of town trip…hey, do you think I could get a chastity belt made in the next five hours?”

Her friend frowned again. “I don’t think that’s a thing anymore. At least I hope that’s not a thing women are subjected to anymore.”

“Oh, no,” Leslie shook her head. “Not for me. For Ben. But yeah, still. Probably a bad idea. How are we doing with the mix CD?” She asked, getting up off the couch and looking over Ann’s shoulder where her friend sat at her desk.

“Whale sounds, Jimmy Carter‘s _Crisis of Confidence_ speech, and I was just about to add the old-timey banjo music,” Ann paused to turn back around and look at the screen of her laptop. “Are you sure about this? The banjo music is a real boner-killer.”

Leslie sighed. “Yeah. I’m sure. There can be no sexual-tensiony situations with Ben on this work trip. And unfortunately, that includes all penis activities like boners. Let’s kill it with banjo music.”

“Okay. All boners will be eliminated.”

They both listened to a few seconds of the blaring twangy sounds. Leslie cringed. “Yeah. That should do it. Okay, now, don’t do anything sneaky like put your Pretty Woman dress in my bag or pack me a sequined bow tie.”

“Umm…” Ann looked confused again. “A sequined bow tie? No, I won’t do that.”

“Good. Because I am going to get through the next 30 hours without any erotic shenanigans. Just work, the history of the ladder, whale sounds, and Indiana little league baseball. That’s it,” Leslie insisted.

But then, already starting to lose focus, she added, “Nope. No warm brown eyes or great hair and no flat perfect butt just there for the taking. Oh! What kind of noises do you think he makes when he thrusts? Do you think he’s a cuddler, you know, afterwards? I bet he is.”

Now Ann was looking at her with equal amounts of amusement and concern. “Wow…okay, you guys should really just fuck.”

“Ughhhhhhh, I knooooooow,” Leslie whined, walking forwards a few steps to press her face against the wall.


	4. I need 347 Oreos right now, or else we’re all going to die

“ _I need 347 Oreos right now, or else we’re all going to die_ ,” the City Manager read from the note that was slipped under his office door just seconds earlier.

Ben continued to watch as Chris grinned and then scoffed lightly. “Andy! He doesn’t need 347 Oreos.”

“Um, probably not,” Ben agreed as Chris folded the note up, still chuckling just a bit.

“I’ll stop by the shoeshine stand after we’re done here with some red and green grapes. They’re like nature’s cookies.”

“Sure,” Ben agreed, closing his padfolio and sitting up straighter in the guest chair. “Are we good on the year-over-year maintenance cost analysis? If so, I can submit it to the state.”

“Yes. Your analysis was impeccable as always. Great work, Ben!”

“Thanks.”

As they both stood up, Chris made a face and moved closer. Ben instinctively took a step back.

“Hold on,” Chris said, reaching forward to pluck something from the front of Ben’s plaid shirt. “You’ve got a blonde hair…”

Ben’s eyes widened as Chris held it in front of his face an examined the long blonde stand. Shit, he thought, maybe he should not have met Leslie in the third floor supply closet right before his meeting with Chris.

“Oh, weird. That is weird,” Ben said, trying to think of something else to say. “So weird. Maybe it’s from a…uh, lion?”

That was probably not the thing to say.

Chris smiled at him. “I don’t think this is from a lion. It’s too long. And too golden. And soft. Plus, I’d be very surprised if we had a lion loose in City Hall, Ben.”

“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Right. Not a lion. Huh, I guess it’ll just have to be a mystery.”

Chris studied him. “Hey, you’ve got a couple more on the front of your pants,” he started to reach out but then stopped. “I’ll maybe let you get those.”

“Yes. Thank you. I can…uh…get those. Hey, don’t forget the grapes for Andy. Doesn’t the cafeteria close soon? Mmmmm, nature’s Oreos!”


	5. Matt Steel, FBI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the request to see a companion piece (to I Swear You Guys Should Just Fuck) between Ben and Andy. Also, this was super, super fun to write even if it's ridiculous! :D

Ben was sitting down at the kitchen table, even if he didn’t exactly remember walking inside the house to get there. Really, the last thing he sort of remembered was being in Donna’s Mercedes with everyone else and Leslie saying, “ _Your mother’s butt_ ,” in answer to where they were going first.

He laughed at that again. She was such an adorable goofball.

“What?” Andy was sitting at the table with him. When did that happen? Also, why was the room spinning?

“Nothing, just Leslie. She’s so cute. And funny. And she always smells so good.”

She also looked so pretty in her red top tonight even if it had birds(?) on it and even if she had gotten kind of mad at him. Leslie was so sexy when she got worked up about something. He’d definitely noticed that before.

“Oh!” Andy’s eyes widened. “That’s right. You want to hit that.”

Sober Ben might not want to discuss this with Andy, but drunk Ben was on board. “Yeah. I like her. A lot. And I think she likes me too. It’s just Chris’s rule.”

Andy nodded thoughtfully next to him and then burped. “But that is so cool that you like each other. Roleplay. You need to roleplay her. With costumes and everything!”

“Maybe,” Ben agreed tentatively. But really, he wasn’t even thinking that far into it yet. He just wanted to go out to dinner with her or take a bubble bath together. “I’d kinda like to just kiss her first. Maybe smell her hair up close. Then I can pretend to be… _whatever_.”

“Her boss,” Andy suggested.

Ben made a face. “No. No. That’s what it is now…our _real_ roles. We need pretend ones. Remember?”

“How about an alien? Or an old-timey sheriff with a mustache,” Andy paused and then slapped the table. “I know! A teenage mutant Ninja turtle.”

Ben squinted and watched as Andy ate some crackers. When did he get those out? “But what would she be?”

“A veterinarian,” Andy said. “Who likes spanking.”

Ben reached for a cracker and ate it slowly, even though his mouth was incredibly dry. Also, now he was giving the spanking thing more serious thought. That might be fun. Leslie had a really great ass, all curvy and round. Not that he’d looked, except that he super did. A couple of times.

He also somewhere, way deep down in his brain, realized that this conversation with Andy had taken a very strange, awkward turn. But on the other hand, it seemed completely natural right now. Important, even.

“Okay, I hear what you’re saying about the spanking," Ben continued, "and I could maybe be into that, but she’d have to want to try that.”

“Well, yeah, dude. Of course. It doesn’t work otherwise. Oh! Wait!” Andy stood up quickly. So quickly his chair fell over with a clatter.

“What’s happening? What–”

“Here, try this on,” Andy interrupted, holding out his FBI jacket.

“Really?” Ben stood up…well, he gripped the table to keep from falling over and once vertical, took the windbreaker from his roommate. He tried it on. Of course, it was huge on him. “Yeah?”

Andy nodded. “You can borrow it. You’re an FBI agent and Leslie is the president’s daughter. You need to protect her but also she’s planning on blowing up the world with stolen dynamite. The only thing that will stop her? _Epic boning._ ”

“Huh. Okay, that could work.”

“Yeah, and listen, Ben, if you’re FBI, you get handcuffs. And with handcuffs, you can use them for…sex stuff.”

“We could do that,” he agreed and then brought his hand up to his forehead and practically groaned. _Leslie and handcuffs_. Good lord.

Also, Andy was really much smarter than Ben had given him credit for in the past, because if Ben was an FBI agent, that could also help them try to keep Chris from finding out. Yeah. This was turning into something.

In fact, maybe he should go over to Leslie’s right now and surprise her. She’d open the door and he’d be standing there in his three-sizes-too-big jacket like, ” _blah-blah-blah_ , FBI.”

Wait. _Blah-blah-blah_? Well, that won’t work. “But I need a cool name to go with the jacket.”

“Matt Macklin. Burt Macklin’s long lost brother.”

“I’m not sure we,” he gestured between himself and Andy, “should be related. That might be weird. Seeing that this is for a bedroom thing with Leslie.”

“Oh, I got you. How about Matt Steel,” Andy suggested and then grinned. “Because of your penis.”

“Oh,” Ben made a face, mulling the name over. “Okay, yeah. That’s not bad.”

Ewwwww!”

Ben and Andy turned at the sudden interruption to see April standing there in the kitchen with them. She was looking right at him, even if her eyes seemed slightly unfocused and she was now wearing pajama pants under her black dress. She also had her black pillbox hat on again.

“Take it off, Ben! Take that off right now!”

Startled by her order, he got his arm caught as he attempted to get the jacket off quickly while next to him, Andy unzipped his pants and pulled them down. Thankfully, his roommate had on boxers underneath.

“Wait, why are you taking your pants off? She was talking to me.” Ben asked, even as April grabbed the FBI coat and tugged hard while he was still kind of attached to it. Once it was finally off, Ben ended up spun around and facing the cabinets. He turned back around and watched as April started leading Andy back to their room.

Andy shrugged. “I don’t know. My legs wanted to be free. Hey, babe, wait, that’s not Ben, that’s _Matt Steel, FBI_. Do you want to know why his last name is steel?”

“Gross! No!” April shouted and then Ben heard their bedroom door slam shut.

He shrugged and then sat back down and ate another cracker, letting his mind wander to Leslie again and her bird-covered top. Ben knew that he should really go to bed and pass out (he was maybe a _little_ drunk), but he didn’t really want to stop thinking about her yet or all the things that he wished they could do together.


End file.
